Once upon a time, there lived a little girl named Maya. What Maya wanted more than anything in the whole world was an iPod Touch. She didn’t really know why she wanted one, probably because her parents were Apple fan-boys that got fuzzy feelings of cool when they stepped inside the over-priced micro cosmos of a store, but most likely because said parents paid more attention to iPod Touches than her during lunch. Maya, being the good immigrant girl that she was, made quick calculations to figure out for how long she would have to save her one dollar allowance to pay for an iPod Touch. Informed observers would point out that she would probably lose her virginity before getting her hands on the coveted device, but this is not that kind of story.
Maya devised a plan: no doubt Santa Claus would be bringing some iPod’s during next Christmas and there were bound to be so many that one misplaced box was easy to go unnoticed. The same observers from before would question why she didn’t asked Santa for an iPod directly. Well, Maya had different priorities, she wasn’t what you would call naughty-naughty, but let’s just say that in 30 years she will be working at Wall Street wondering why those hippies have to camp at her lunch spot again.
On the night of December 24, Maya prepared cookies and milk and waited for Mr. Claus. Naturally, he appeared at the stroke of midnight down the kitchen water faucet (very few places have chimneys these days). Maya saluted the big fat red man and eyed his huge sack, a piece of Steve Jobs was in there for sure. She smiled sweetly and offered Santa cookies and milk. These were, of course, full of potent narcotics which she had acquired from back home (did I mentioned she was an immigrant from Monterrey?). Santa’s eyes turned black and drool seeped through his beard, yep, only the best is dealt in the Macroplaza of Monterrey. Maya gingerly hopped to the sack and was about to open it when Santa began to laugh.
You see, those goddamn humans won’t stop breeding, and for a person like Santa which has to build toys for all those brats in 365 days, the only way to survive is to continually take powerful narcotics. And opposed to general assumptions, Santa hates well behaved children, they are boring and only bring more work. And fuck the elves.
Santa immediately took a liking of Maya and when he learned why she went to all this trouble, he proposed a deal. He would give her an iPod Touch in exchange for her taste buds. Every month, Maya would have to choose a food type and for the rest of her life she would be unable to eat it. She accepted of course, thinking that there were many things that she didn’t like to eat and so wouldn’t be a problem.
When Santa left, she was left with an iPod Touch and began thinking the first food that she would sacrifice.
To be continued…
2 comments:
I wish there was a google translator for whatever Federico is writing about.
Craig--I agree. I never know what he's talking about either. That must be why we get along. Maybe it's better that I don't know what he's _really_ saying. ;)
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